I'm sorry Cosette

Cosette, I need to apologize to you. I am sorry I have lost my patience with you so much lately. I am sorry for all the unkind things I said about you. And I am sorry I was not the safe haven that you needed me to be. I'm trying to do better and what's interesting is I've noticed you've been trying to do better as well. We will get through this sweetheart. We will. Because you are strong and I am strong. You've given me a lot to think about lately, like the other day at lunch when you were sad and you asked my why you were having to go through all this and I told you that it's called a trial and sometimes God let's us go through trials to help us grow stronger and you looked at me all confused for a minute and then said, "well that's mean." And I know it seems mean to you, it's not fair and it's not fun and it's hard, but hopefully you and I can figure out together how God wants us to grow from this and I know that we will both be stronger because of it. Because this is hard Cosette, you are being asked to go through a lot, and you are wiser than your 5 years because of it. I wish I had taken a picture of the time your doll "got her blood drawn" and you had taken a cotton swab and put it in the crook of her elbow and then wrapped it with a hair tie and it looked just like the many times you have gotten your blood drawn. This last time you went in for the scope the anesthesiologist came out to talk to us as you were waking up and said that you were great and then he said that he could tell you've done this before and are used to it and then compassionately added, "which isn't really a good thing." And it just drove home to me that you really are an extraordinary girl and you are brave and you are good at doing hard things. You are so responsible about your diet and while it's been so very hard for you, you still do it and do it well. Your teachers are often blown away with how responsible and knowledgeable you are about your disease and your diet. You have many people who love you and want to help in any way they can. Like my friends who make an effort to make food you can eat and often go out of their way to buy special food for you. And Grandma Shapiro is coming down once a week to help me figure out how to cook for you. Now if you'd just stop being such a stinker and actually give my food a try that would be great!