Mothering

(Okay, this post turned out significantly longer than I intended, sorry about that. If you don't want to read the whole thing, at least read the part in bold, that's what I mainly wanted to share.)
I read an interesting article in Time magazine this morning while I was waiting at the Dr. office. It's about a book entitled Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua. You can read the full article here. She's Chinese and feels that the Chinese way of mothering is superior to the American way because the Chinese are much more successful than we are. So she's very strict with her children and demands a lot from them, such as requiring them to play the piano for 7 hours straight until they get the song right. Or rejecting her young daughters birthday card "because she didn't spend enough time on it." Or not allowing her children to have friends.

When I first started reading I was thinking, "Wow, this lady is NUTS! What an awful mother!" I was so appalled, but in some cases I think that she's got an idea worth considering. But overall, I felt that she's taken it all to the serious extreme. Her justification for how she parents is that she's preparing her children to be successful adults. And she's right, she is preparing her children to succeed in the business part of life. But there's much more to being an adult than being the best at everything.

What is our responsibility to our children? We want them to be successful adults, but we also have a knowledge that Amy Chua may not, we know that we are children of God and that our main and most important goal is to return to live with Him again. So, how does Amy Chua's type of parenting fit into that knowledge? Should we be focusing more on our children's academia, or is it okay to let them be kids and play with their friends? Am I failing my children and our country by not subscribing to this woman's ideas? I'm sure a happy medium is the correct answer.

The article quoted one study that I found very interesting.

"[Standford psychologist Carol] Dweck has conducted studies with hundreds of students, mostly early adolescents, in which experimenters gave the subjects a set of difficult problems from an IQ test. Afterward, some of the young people were praised for their ability: "You must be smart at this." Others were praised for their effort: "You must have worked really hard." The kids who were complimented on their intelligence were much more likely to turn down the opportunity to do a challenging new task that they could learn from. "They didn't want to do anything that would expose their deficiencies and call into question their talent," Dweck says. Ninety percent of the kids who were praised for their hard work, however, were eager to take on the demanding new exercise."

I find that so interesting. So I tried it with my kids this morning. They were helping me carry in the groceries and instead of thanking them for being so helpful, like I normally do, I said, "Wow, you're being hard workers! Good job for working so hard!" They beamed at that! They were so proud of themselves.

I don't agree with most of what this lady did to her children, but I'm glad I read the article because of the study about praising your children for hard work. It's such an obvious thing, but I wouldn't have thought of it.

Haircuts

Debbie got a haircut yesterday and I think it's great. I know it's super short, but it looks cute and is SO easy to brush. I love it. After Debbie's haircut yesterday I decided that Cosette needed a haircut too, her hair was getting pretty shaggy. Her hair is SIGNIFICANTLY thinner than Debbbie's (cutting Debbie's hair is like hacking through a rainforest) so I figured I could probably handle it myself. I think I did an ok job. I was afraid that I was going to cut her curls off and that would be it, but her hair curled right up after cutting it off!

A Tooth Story

Debbie has a couple more loose teeth and we've been telling her to wiggle them whenever we remember. Today at the beginning of Sacrament Meeting, Chad noticed her tooth and told her to wiggle it. So she wiggled it and to our surprise it fell out onto her lap. So then she yelled, "DADDY, I LOST MY TOOTH!!" Mind you, Sacrament Meeting had already started, it was pretty quiet. I grabbed the tooth and noticed she had gotten some blood on her brand new dress and saw that she was bleeding a little bit so I went to hand the tooth to Chad except that then I DROPPED IT! So here's Debbie jumping up and down laughing, while I'm trying to get her to keep her mouth closed so she didn't get more blood on her dress and the rest of us were scrambling trying to find a lost little tooth! We found it later under the pew. But it was pretty funny. So Debbie's lost tooth, turned into and actual lost tooth.

I got the girls these matching dresses (I love Costco!) so I had to take some pictures of them!

Just A Sip

I heard Cosette getting into the fridge today so I went to go help her with whatever she might need and this is what I found...

"Aaagh, Cosette you can't do that!!"

She was completely unperturbed, like she had every right to be drinking straight from the milk jug.

For those who know Cosette, this really isn't surprising. She's just a self-sufficient kind of girl.

hahaha! Oh man, she cracks me up.

The Book of Mormon

The primary in our ward gave all of the kids a Book of Mormon a few months ago and we got them out again a few weeks ago. Debbie just treasures hers. She loves it and is proud of it. And today she started reading from it. She read a few lines aloud with me there and then continued to read a bit after we put her to bed. I went in to turn off the night light and this is what I found. What an example, treasuring the Word of God so much that you sleep with it next to you. I only hope she continues this love.

[And yes, she's sucking her thumb again. That's thanks to me and the stress I caused in December. These little ones are resilient, but they can certainly feel stress and anxiety from their parents.]

Debbie Lynn

"Daddy, how 'bout when I'm six you can teach me how to vacuum."

This little girl is amazing. Everyone should be blessed with a daughter as wonderful as Debbie. She's thoughtful, helpful, giving, optimistic, and happy. Today she learned how to sweep the kitchen. She was so excited when Chad told her she was going to learn how to sweep. She's so funny, she LOVES to help! A few weeks ago I told her I needed her to clean off the table and she got excited and asked, "Like a chore?" I said yes and she said, "Yay!! I love chores!" And she does! [At least for now anyway ☺]

She's so thoughtful too. She's had a bit of a grumble in her throat and had to keep clearing her throat. Well, yesterday it was getting annoying and I told her as much. So that sweet little girl kept getting up from watching her show to leave the room to clear her throat so she didn't annoy me. HOW SWEET IS THAT!?!?

And she's so helpful with the younger kids too, she helps them out and loves to be the big sister. We're just so thankful that we've been blessed with her.

Cute

The kids are sitting in the living room with their guitars singing love songs to me. "I love you mommy..." They're so sweet.

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I've realized that I have to change the way I word things when I want the kids to be good. We'd be going into the store and I'd tell the kids, "You can have a treat after if you're good." And they'd invariable respond, "I'm good mommy! I'm good!" I didn't want them doubting that they were good people so I changed it to 'behave.' Then I got this, "I'm 'have mommy! I've been 'have!" So I've finally decided on "Listen and obey." "You can have a treat if you listen and obey." They're responding better to that. :)

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Debbie is so funny, she was asking us yesterday if we could buy a sled and we said maybe next year and she squealed, "YES! We might get a sled and we might not!!"

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Isaac LOVES to watch Chad play the wii. Chad plays Lego Batman and now just recently got the How to Train Your Dragon game. Isaac begs him every night when he gets home to play the wii so he can watch. Well, the other day was a particularly difficult day for Isaac, throwing tantrums and such, and so when Chad got home and he asked him to play I said no because Isaac had been such a pill. Well, Isaac didn't like that, so Chad talked to him and told him that he has to listen to me and stop throwing tantrums or daddy isn't going to be able to play games for him. Something worked, because Isaac has been amazing ever since! And it's funny because Chad got home from school the other night and looked at me and said, "Isaac has been a good boy today...?" I gave him permission to play nintendo. haha!

Isaac

Isaac wrote his name all by himself!! It's a surprise because we have hardly worked with him at all. I know his a's are backwards but I'm still so proud of him!! He's really starting to excel academically, I don't know why I'm so surprised. I think I subconsciously compare him to Debbie and forget that he's a year younger because they are so close in size. So if I compare them and remember where Debbie was at this age, Isaac is right there with her, if not further. He loves to listen to us and join in with us while we do Debbie's homework. And he loves to count things and can count to 20. I'm just so proud if him!

Cousins

The kids had a chance to go spend some time with their cousins last week and they loved it. My brother and sister-in-law took the kids for a few days and they had a blast. The kids always seem to have learned something new (good new) when they come home from their house. Just this morning Debbie said, "Mom's not our slave, she's our mom." Love it! I don't know if she picked it up there or not, but she didn't pick it up from us because we don't generally say that. The kids just love their cousins and I'm so grateful for siblings (and their spouses) who are so giving and loving and willing to let my kids come to their house for a few days.

I have the best family in the world!

Cute Picture

This was just a super cute picture of the girls chillin' with uncle Jack. I had to post it.