Sweet boy, please come back

This tonsillectomy has robbed us of our sweet little boy. He's been so tempermental and sad lately, just not himself. I can't sleep because he's laying in his room whimpering right now but he won't let us comfort him. I had no idea it was going to be this bad! I know people warned us, but I was not prepared for the emotional trauma that we would all go through with this. It's hard to have your child hurt and know there's NOTHING you can do about it. And he's been hurting for so long, I thought it would be better by now. He's weak because he still can't eat or drink much, he's losing weight (weight he doesn't have to lose) and is very pale, sometimes bordering on green. He's exhausted because he's not sleeping well, either because he wakes up in pain or we have to wake him up to give him pain medicine - and there's no good answer with this choice, if we wake him up he cries and throws a fit and fights us, but if we let him sleep then he wakes up hurting and cries and throws a fit and fights us. He's in pain all the time and just all around feels miserable, I hate seeing him like this. He's just so SAD, not at all like his usual self. What if I broke my child?? What if he never comes back? The doctor recommended taking the tonsils out but ultimately left the decision up to me, did I make the wrong choice?? I feel like I broke Isaac, and I feel like he hates me for it but I deserve his hate. I walk on eggshells around him all day long, the littlest things set him off. I know he's not behaving this way intentionally, he just DOESN'T feel well. But that thought only softens the stress of the situation a little. He went to school today, I kinda felt like I could keep him home and distract him with movies and legos or we could give him tylenol and he could be distracted by friends and learning and the busyness of school. He came home happy so I feel like I made a good choice, even though his happy only lasted until we got through our front door.