When I wrote about our sleeping situation a while back I got a lot of great advice and I want to thank you all for that. I took your advice and it's really helped! (I really even hesitate to write this, because I don't want to jinx it...) We spent a few nights on the floors of the kids room (thank you Becky), and it hasn't been as big of a problem since. So thank you everyone!
Well, now I have another question that I would love some feedback on. I'm at my wit's end with Isaac, I don't know what to do with him or how to handle his fits. I don't want to feel this way about my child! He throws HUGE fits over the dumbest things! For example, today when we got back from Debbie's dance class he wanted me to carry him from the car up to the apartment. Well, he weighs 36 lbs. and quite often Cosette needs to be carried as well and it's kindof difficult to carry two kids weighing 60 lbs between the two of them. So, I carried him for a few steps and then had to pick Cosette up and she takes priority, he is after all 3 1/2 years old (and very big for his age)! Well, he lost it, crying and screaming about how he wanted to be held. He walked to the bottom of the stairs and then refused to go any further, so I had to carry Cosette up the stairs, deposit her in the house, and then go back down and literally drag Isaac up the stairs because he refused to use his feet. And then even when we get in the house I have to put him in his room for 10 to 15 minutes just to let him (and me) calm down. Are these kind of fits normal for a 3 year old? He loses it like that if we don't zip up his coat for a quick trip next door or if we don't put gloves on him when we're just going straight to the car, or if he wants his hood on but it doesn't fit right. My first thought is that there's something wrong with this kid. It's not an unlikely probability, he would come by it honestly. But maybe I'm being over-sensitive about that particular possibility. We're trying to stick to our guns and not give in to him over stupid stuff like wearing gloves when no one else in the family is wearing them, but when we do that we get a 30 minute tantrum. Is it giving in to him if we respond the very first time he says something and just give him what he wants, whether it be digging through the drawers looking for gloves or making two trips out to the car to carry him into the house? Are we just setting ourselves up for worse tantrums later when he has to face reality that he's not going to always get his way? Or will it avoid a tantrum for us now and make us all happier. Part of me wonders if he can't help it, that maybe he's got something more going on and it's better for everyone to just give into him. But on the other hand I don't want to spoil him and raise a pansy son. I'm at a loss! So any thoughts or advice will be welcome and appreciated! How do I handle these situations? Is it 'giving in' if we respond the very first time he asks for something? I've searched the internet a bit to see if there are any childhood disorders that might describe him, but so far I haven't found anything that fits. I mean, he's difficult, but he's not anything to the extreme, and there are no real patterns to his issues.
6 comments:
I don't really have any answers but I will say that my 3.5-year-old is the same way. I really haven't found something that works consistently. Sometimes when I can tell she is about to lose it I just try to talk her out of it and remind her that she is getting older or threaten to take away whatever it is that she is throwing the fit over. If I can't talk her out of it or if there isn't anything that I can take away, sometimes it works to just put her on her bed and let her cry it out and then when she calms down I just go talk to her about how her behavior was not acceptable and how she can do better. Like I said though, those things don't always work. I am of the opinion that this seems to be "normal" behavior but then again she is my oldest so I don't really know any different yet. I will say that for her 3 has definitely been harder than 2 and I am hoping for better things with 4 :) Good Luck!
Lucy has some moments like that too. I've found that you have to pick your battles. If it's something that's not really a big deal, like having the jacket zipped, I'll give it to her, but if she starts crying about it, I don't give in till she stops. I tell her I'll do it when she stops crying and asks me nicely. and I stick to that. But if it's carying her and Lydia in the house together (which is one thing that she gets upset about too,)along with the diaper bag and my purse. It just can't be done. Sometimes I can talk her out of it before it starts. I tell her I can only carry her when dad is with us to carry Lydia and promise to hold her next time dad comes. If she throws a fit, I ignore the fit and put her in her room and tell her she can come out when she's done crying. I think the key is to be consistant and pick your battles. I've noticed that when I loose my cool too it just feeds the fire. I tell her no one time in an absolute, but nice voice. But other than that, I think they just have to grow out of it. I'll have to come back and read what everyone else says. Good luck!
I'm not sure I am the right person to say, although I've had seven kids, I've never had any of them act in this manner. But, I have noticed it being a very common thing. I see it a lot. I like what you friends #1 and #2 sorry don't know your names, said about choosing battles and time outs to calm down, if you're not heading out the door to go somewhere. Also use a calm but firm voice that their behavior is not acceptable. It sounds like they are fighting for positions, for attention. So, take some one on one moments that is just for that particular child and with each of your children as well to let them know that they are special to you. Let the other kids know that this is so and so's time with mommy, it may be a challenge at first. You probably do this already. Good luck!
Wow, it sounds just like my house. Hope has a lot of issues with that and it is because she is frustrated and things are not right. If you think something could be wrong, go with your mothers intuition and talk with your doctor. Hope has sensory processing disorder and there are many types of trigers or symptoms and you should look it up. They have questionaires that can help identify if he could have problems and what type. You never know for sure if there is something wrong but, it is always nice to get solutions to these things.
I learned this awesome behavior management method when I worked in an elementary class last year. Basically it uses positive reinforcement. So you and Isaac decide on a "mystery motivator" that he will earn each day, or each week. This could be a cookie, a t.v. show, anything that will motivate him. Then throughout the day (or week) he has to earn it. So at the end of the day you would ask, "Isaac, did you walk by yourself today?" "Did you throw a fit" etc. Start with him having to earn 3 good points to earn the mystery motivator and when he tackles that move on to 4, etc. Establish clear expectations so he knows what is expected of him each day, and then reward him when he meets that and don't when he doesn't. It worked great with the kiddos in our class. Good luck!
I laughed when I read this because I am having the same problem going up to the third floor with Ben and Katie. Ben kills my back, but he still insists on waiting at the bottom of the stairs for me while I take Katie to the house a lot of the time. He's just starting to throw tantrums for silly reasons, too, and once he gets going, he can't stop. I don't have any real answers, but maybe it is normal for kids that age.
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